Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
