i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
She bit a glass in half.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
