her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
