we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
