I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
