Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I lost the right to judge tonight
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
