I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
