ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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