sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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