both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
