I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
