There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
