it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize