Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
