I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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