I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
