I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
