i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
