Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
