Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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