Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
