after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
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