Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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