I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
