I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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