And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
