a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
So here I am, sexting at work.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize