Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
