Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize