Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize