she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
