How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
