she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
