I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
