Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
