He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
