fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
