Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
