Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
