Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
