I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
