Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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