If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
