i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
