Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
