im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
