I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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