I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
