My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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