i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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