I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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