Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
No...this little piggys going to the bar
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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