You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
