you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
