I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
