She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
