if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
