Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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