I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Come on in and take your pants off
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