Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
