Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
