Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
