I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
