Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
MIDGETS
????
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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