Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
