benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
