How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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