it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
