Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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