he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
